I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
