Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
