it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
