jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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