so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
