Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
