Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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