Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
