I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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