shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
