But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize