Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
