Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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