Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
