ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
