he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
