Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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