Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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