I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
