bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
