I'm going to jail i love you
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
