sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
