like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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