There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
