My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
