You work out of a Hotel?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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