doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
