I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
