Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
