I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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