There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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