I accidentally burped into my bong.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
