Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
