nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize