you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Randomize
