Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
