I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The air was thick with penises
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
