What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize