By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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