This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
