i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
