My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
