I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
