I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
