when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
