my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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