So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
