Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
