Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
