Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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