He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
