Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
