I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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