OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
