I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
