You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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