Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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