I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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