I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Welp...herpes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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