i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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