My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize