I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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