Acid is not a monday night drug
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
