Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
