Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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