the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
