Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
