You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
