even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
