so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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